Last night my mother was telling me about when she and her partner endeavoured to go to the Parnell Baths, only to be refused entry to the pools due to what a staff member described as a "fecal incident".
Apparently this was a deadly serious comment, with not a whiff of the pure comedy of said description. Imagine if Billy Connolly had fancied a swim that day. There's at least an hour of material in those two words.
Some of the most comical moments I remember are so funny due to the fact they weren't envisaged or planned or set up in any way, and I remember one such event that indeed involves a "fecal incident" and a swimming pool...
When I was around 13 or 14 our school took a trip to the local aquatic center. By the time I was ready to take the plunge, there were probably about 200 people in the main Olympic sized pool. On the other side of the pool from me was a particularly small kid for his age, from the section of our school called "The Experience Unit", which was for those with special needs.
He carefully made his way down the ladder into the shallow end, before grimacing due to the cold of the water. I'm not sure what happened in the seconds after this, and before the next bit I remember, but I can only assume he created some kind of escape route in his shorts for what was included in the next image burnt into my mind.
The next look on his face was one I can only describe as complete Nirvana:
As I watched his wee head peacefully bobbing around, it was soon joined on the surface of the water by a "fecal incident" Rosy or Ziggy would have been proud of.
Then it all became fascinatingly primal, and I was reminded of those nature documentaries where you see a herd of deer suddenly become aware there's a tiger watching them at the watering hole: I have never seen 200 human beings move in unison so quickly, with what appeared to be little or no direct communication.
Then there was just one small boys head and his gift, left bobbing around on top of the water in that huge, huge empty swimming pool. Once he was safe on dry land a lifeguard arrived with a giant version of one of those things you remove poached eggs from their water with, attached to a long pole.
On the way back from swimming that day my friend Kelly told me he'd later found a peanut in the pool. To this day I don't know if this was true.
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Apparently this was a deadly serious comment, with not a whiff of the pure comedy of said description. Imagine if Billy Connolly had fancied a swim that day. There's at least an hour of material in those two words.
Some of the most comical moments I remember are so funny due to the fact they weren't envisaged or planned or set up in any way, and I remember one such event that indeed involves a "fecal incident" and a swimming pool...
When I was around 13 or 14 our school took a trip to the local aquatic center. By the time I was ready to take the plunge, there were probably about 200 people in the main Olympic sized pool. On the other side of the pool from me was a particularly small kid for his age, from the section of our school called "The Experience Unit", which was for those with special needs.
He carefully made his way down the ladder into the shallow end, before grimacing due to the cold of the water. I'm not sure what happened in the seconds after this, and before the next bit I remember, but I can only assume he created some kind of escape route in his shorts for what was included in the next image burnt into my mind.
The next look on his face was one I can only describe as complete Nirvana:
Nirvana
1. An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.
As I watched his wee head peacefully bobbing around, it was soon joined on the surface of the water by a "fecal incident" Rosy or Ziggy would have been proud of.
Then it all became fascinatingly primal, and I was reminded of those nature documentaries where you see a herd of deer suddenly become aware there's a tiger watching them at the watering hole: I have never seen 200 human beings move in unison so quickly, with what appeared to be little or no direct communication.
Then there was just one small boys head and his gift, left bobbing around on top of the water in that huge, huge empty swimming pool. Once he was safe on dry land a lifeguard arrived with a giant version of one of those things you remove poached eggs from their water with, attached to a long pole.
On the way back from swimming that day my friend Kelly told me he'd later found a peanut in the pool. To this day I don't know if this was true.
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